Gulls

A gull in flight, sort of

Ray Davis captured the bird watchers' attitude towards gulls rather aptly in the 1964 Kinks Number One song "you really got me".  The opening lines are as follows...

"Gull, you really got me going

You got me so I don't know what I'm doing"

Every birder has been there, scrutinizing thousands of gulls on the offchance one of them might be something interesting.  Checking the back of their necks in case it could be a Bonapartes Gull, or their wingtips for a Kittiwake etc.  Many come to the simple conclusion that gulls simply aren't worth the hassle, I hope this page helps to combat that attitude.  Here I will share with you the Loadabullfinch "Gull Identification Technique" or GIT.  So the following birds will not be in the systematic order most often associated with bird lists, but in the order demanded by the GIT system.   

Under the GIT system you no longer need to bother with time consuming methods of gull identification, such as bill size, wing tip markings, leg colours, personality traits or music taste, or whatever else it is gull enthusiasts use.  There is a much simpler method.  There is a gull spectrum which is measured in relation to how thuggish the bird looks.  The scale ranges from cute to nasty (like Miley Cyrus's as she ages) and once you get the hang of it then gull identification becomes so much simpler.

All due thanks goes to Nick Croft for the supply of a few of the gull pics. You can visit his site by clicking on his stunning National Geographic style photo of a Med gull below...

COMMON GULL: GIT rating 1.6
Cute as a manga gerbil eating a rainbow

Yes it is possible for a gull to be cute.  These gulls aren't actually as common as their name suggests.  For example, I have never seen one in Sport Direct, making them less common rhan overweight, middle aged men and massive calculators.  Fun Fact: Most gulls are actually rather fond of Jonathan Lethbridge and can't understand what he's got against them.

 

ICELAND GULL:  GIT rating 3.1
About as cute and adorable as Ant and Deck

They tend to get thuggier as they get older, but don't we all!?

Fun fact:  The Iceland gull is so named because it breeds in Canada and Greenland.




BONAPARTE'S GULL: GIT rating 3.95
Not one way or the other, like Rod Stewart


The Bonaparte's gull's name is not, as some believe, derived from Napolian Bonaparte but from Steve Bonaparte, who works in Carpet Mart in Baisingstoke.
Photo: Nick Croft





BLACK-HEADED GULL: GIT rating 4
Rod Stewart's twin brother

Black headed gulls are everywhere, you can hardly move for black-headed gulls these days!

This species is acutely aware of how ugly gulls are, so, during the breeding season they grow a natural balaclava that covers their face, to make it easier to attract mates.  This natural face feathering is brown, hence the name "BLACK-headed gull"  

SABINE'S GULL GIT rating 5
As ugly as a Westside Story Brawl

Sabine doesn't want it back.  She says you can keep it.
Photo: Nick Croft 









HERRING GULL:  GIT rating 6.6

As adorable as a rusty, tetinous infected nail in a children's playground

A common enough gull.  Tend to gravitate to areas where they can most easily make children cry.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking the name derives from the species of fish preferred by this gull, idiot, it is common knowledge that they only eat children's fingers.  The name comes from "hearing gull", from the Victorian days, when the bird was used as an amplification aid for the def. 

YELLOW-LEGGED GULL:  GIT rating 6.8
As cute as Alfred Hitchcock's "the birds"

If you want to sound like a complete prat, what not try pronouncing this bird's name as if it were part of an 18th century church hymn (Yellow Leggéd Gull) and see how many friends you can lose!

Fun fact: To make 1 pound of honey, bees would have to visit over 2 million flowers!
Photo: Nick Croft 

LESSER BLACK BACK:  GIT rating 7.1

Thuglife: Tupac Shakur

This bird has experienced a marked decrease across most of its range.  Whereas in the early 19th century it could cover three octaves effortlessly, it now struggles to hit high Cs and Ds.



GLAUCUS GULL:  GIT rating 8.3

As ugly as Compo's night-time dreams about Nora Batty

Jesus' famous "good samaritain" story was once entitled "the half-decent Glaucus Gull" but due to the lack of Glaucus Gulls in 1st century Palestine he thought it best to change the focus.

GREAT BLACK BACK: GIT rating 9.4
As unsettling as that time Charles Manson was on 'Jim'll Fix It' 

Great Black-Backed Gulls are the biggest of the gull family.  Some can be as large as a small World War Two tank with about the same fire power.