So, you've learned all about what a bird is (if not, please consult Lesson One) - now it's time for you to learn about how to watch them.
Bird watching can be done almost anywhere, and you don't even need telescopes, binoculars or birds to do it. Usually it is done outside, but if you are unable to leave the house, or if it's a bit chilly out, then you can birdwatch from your very own home, or that of someone else (for example, that of a cousin), by looking up birds on YouTube. This is a great way to add rare birds to your list.
What list is?
Many birdwatchers choose to compose lists of birds they've seen, mostly for tax purposes. Birdwatchers will often keep a 'life list,' which is a list of all the birds one has ever seen. It is called a 'life list' because birdwatchers have one instead of having a life. Many birdwatchers like to start their life list off with something simple like a robin or blackbird. In fact, 48% of British bird watchers surveyed had robin as the first bird on their life list, 32% had blackbird, 15% wren, 12% masked shrike and 10% had other birds. Interestingly 99% started their lists with the number 1, making it the most common number on bird lists.
Another type of list that many birdwatchers keep is their 'year list', which is a list of years that the birdwatcher has seen. Most bird watchers are actively trying to dip 2020 for obvious reasons. There are also patch lists, which is a list of all the birds seen on a bird watcher's patch.
What a patch am?
A patch is a receptacle into which birdwatchers pour massive amounts of time and energy. It is usually made of park or forest or pond or something else where birds go. The idea being that the patch birder will go to their patch regularly and look at lots of boring birds, day in day out, until they loose the will to live, in the hope that one day, maybe, just maybe, they might find a rare bird. A 'rare' bird on a patch usually means a bird that's actually really common in the woods just up the road.
Birdwatchers mark their patches by urinating on trees. When there is a high population of birwatchers on one patch they will fiercely compete to exert dominance over one another. They do this by trying to see more bird species than the others, by trying to see rarer species than the others, and by fighting.
Patch birding is said to be the most rewarding and enriching form of birding as it harmonises you with the land and enables you to sync yourself with the ebb and flow of the seasons as you notice birds come and go, note their behaviours at different times of the year, see how the plant and insect life harmonises with the weather and all that other hippy muck. It is certainly a more wholesome form of birdwatching than twitching, which is a soul destroying endeavor, somewhat akin to heroin addiction.
What be twitching do?
Twithching is where a birdwatcher receives news of a rare bird, either by tweet, pager or telegram, and drops whatever they're doing and goes to see that bird, no matter how far away it is, or how expensive it is to get to. A dedicated twitcher can devote their whole life to building up a list of, sometimes, dozens of birds! This often comes at the expense of their social lives, marriages and careers. Then, when a twitcher dies, there is often great division within their already broken and shattered families as their offspring bicker and argue, often in the legal courts, to decide who will inherit the deceased twitcher's list. Twitchers are often forced into a double life, having to hide their addiction from their spouses, employers and priests.
Some would argue that twitching is of no discernible use to the world at all; that possibly it is even a negative force in that it encourages people to make long journeys, burning petrol and releasing greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, or trampling down habitats and disturbing birds just to get a little tick on a list. However, I disagree, there is a great use for twitchers. Whenever I am away from home for an extended period of time I always report a rare bird in my back garden. That way I am guaranteed round-the-clock surveillance on my house to prevent it from burglary, which then enables me to go twitching all over the country safe in the knowledge that there are a dozen eyes watching my home at all times.
What Nature Reserves is?
Another good place to see nature is a nature reserve. These are also good places to go and see reserves. Nature reserves are places where wild animals and birds have been gathered together in one place to make them easier to see, and hear, and taste. The best kind of nature reserve is called a zoo, where you can see lots of wild animals and birds in cages.
The RSPB (Secret Society for the Production of Birds), WWT (World Wrestling Federation) and NNR (Royal National Lifeboat Association) run wildlife reserves all over the place, and this will be the subject of our next lesson.
What list is?
Many birdwatchers choose to compose lists of birds they've seen, mostly for tax purposes. Birdwatchers will often keep a 'life list,' which is a list of all the birds one has ever seen. It is called a 'life list' because birdwatchers have one instead of having a life. Many birdwatchers like to start their life list off with something simple like a robin or blackbird. In fact, 48% of British bird watchers surveyed had robin as the first bird on their life list, 32% had blackbird, 15% wren, 12% masked shrike and 10% had other birds. Interestingly 99% started their lists with the number 1, making it the most common number on bird lists.
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| Example of a 'life list' |
Another type of list that many birdwatchers keep is their 'year list', which is a list of years that the birdwatcher has seen. Most bird watchers are actively trying to dip 2020 for obvious reasons. There are also patch lists, which is a list of all the birds seen on a bird watcher's patch.
What a patch am?
A patch is a receptacle into which birdwatchers pour massive amounts of time and energy. It is usually made of park or forest or pond or something else where birds go. The idea being that the patch birder will go to their patch regularly and look at lots of boring birds, day in day out, until they loose the will to live, in the hope that one day, maybe, just maybe, they might find a rare bird. A 'rare' bird on a patch usually means a bird that's actually really common in the woods just up the road.
Birdwatchers mark their patches by urinating on trees. When there is a high population of birwatchers on one patch they will fiercely compete to exert dominance over one another. They do this by trying to see more bird species than the others, by trying to see rarer species than the others, and by fighting.
 |
| Sir Lord Gerbert White (1720 - 1884) One of the first people to come up with birdwatching. He mostly watched birds on his local patch of Selborne Ultimatum. |
Patch birding is said to be the most rewarding and enriching form of birding as it harmonises you with the land and enables you to sync yourself with the ebb and flow of the seasons as you notice birds come and go, note their behaviours at different times of the year, see how the plant and insect life harmonises with the weather and all that other hippy muck. It is certainly a more wholesome form of birdwatching than twitching, which is a soul destroying endeavor, somewhat akin to heroin addiction.
What be twitching do?
Twithching is where a birdwatcher receives news of a rare bird, either by tweet, pager or telegram, and drops whatever they're doing and goes to see that bird, no matter how far away it is, or how expensive it is to get to. A dedicated twitcher can devote their whole life to building up a list of, sometimes, dozens of birds! This often comes at the expense of their social lives, marriages and careers. Then, when a twitcher dies, there is often great division within their already broken and shattered families as their offspring bicker and argue, often in the legal courts, to decide who will inherit the deceased twitcher's list. Twitchers are often forced into a double life, having to hide their addiction from their spouses, employers and priests.
 |
| A crowd of Twitchers gather to see a Bearded Vulture in the Peak District. Note: the Twitchers have been photo-shopped out to protect their identity. |
Some would argue that twitching is of no discernible use to the world at all; that possibly it is even a negative force in that it encourages people to make long journeys, burning petrol and releasing greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, or trampling down habitats and disturbing birds just to get a little tick on a list. However, I disagree, there is a great use for twitchers. Whenever I am away from home for an extended period of time I always report a rare bird in my back garden. That way I am guaranteed round-the-clock surveillance on my house to prevent it from burglary, which then enables me to go twitching all over the country safe in the knowledge that there are a dozen eyes watching my home at all times.
What Nature Reserves is?
Another good place to see nature is a nature reserve. These are also good places to go and see reserves. Nature reserves are places where wild animals and birds have been gathered together in one place to make them easier to see, and hear, and taste. The best kind of nature reserve is called a zoo, where you can see lots of wild animals and birds in cages.
The RSPB (Secret Society for the Production of Birds), WWT (World Wrestling Federation) and NNR (Royal National Lifeboat Association) run wildlife reserves all over the place, and this will be the subject of our next lesson.
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