Waders

Gull and wader pic 'n' mix.  Fill a bag for £4

Waders are birds that wade.  They also all look the same.  Here are some of the waders that I have either seen, or think I have seen.  It's difficult to tell.  

I don't have a clue what this is, and neither should you



Oyster catcher

Oystercatchers live off of Oysters and are therefore completely irresistible to most women.

Black-winged stilt

Did you know that walking on stilts or using a unicycle is not big and it's not clever?!  Only clowns and Black-winged stilts should be allowed to do this.  So next time there's a festival, street party or fete on, leave the stilts at home, you attention seeking moron.

Avocet

The RSPB (Royal Society for the Prevention of Birds) was founded by an avocet in 1889.  The RSPB's vision is to "give nature a home" after both Shelter UK and The Salvation Army refused to rehome it.  It currently sofa surfs and has no fixed abode.

Lapwing

In recent years the Lapwing has been placed on the "red list" by environment agencies and charities.   This means that the Lapwing is incredibly dangerous and aggressive.  Something to do with all its farm land being taken away.

A lapwing with rainbow feathers.  At the end of each of these is a pot of golden plover.

Golden Plover

Golden Plovers serve as one of the key ingredients in humus, giving it its unique flavour and texture.

Grey Plover

Every grey plover has a silver lining



A Grey plover enjoying Glastonbury festival

Ringed Plover

This species of plover is one of God's favourite types of bird.  In fact, he liked it so much he put a ring on it.

Little Ringed Plover

This species of plover is one of God's favourite types of bird.  In fact, he liked it so much he put a ring on it.

Kentish Plover

This species is so named because it is sort of similar to the Kent Plover.

Knot

Whether there are any interesting things to say about this bird I know knot.

A flock of Knots wading in the sky

Sanderling

Sanderlings enjoy long walks on the beach, paddling in the water and eating seafood.  They are looking for companionship, laughs and maybe a little extra.  Call 4442 4441 LOVE to arrange a meeting.

Dunlin

Dunlins are a well known and common wader throughout its breeding range.  It is often used as a point of comparison for other similar birds.  "Its not as big as a Common Sandpiper, but not as small as a Sanderling."  This constant comparison with other wading birds often leaves the Dunlin with a severe inferiority complex, so if you ever see one, shout compliments at it from the hide.

Two birds, one is probably a dunlin... they usually are.

Ruff

The name 'Ruff' is an onomatopoeic reference to the noise it was thought that the birds make.  This puzzled birdwatchers for decades as not many people ever really heard them making the sound.  This was until it was discovered that the wetlands where the name was first coined was also a popular dog walking location.

Turnstone

Turnstones are the alchemists of the animal kingdom.  They have the ability to turn stones into Golden Plovers.

Woodcock

 It is not uncommon to wake up in the morning and find one of these birds wading amongst the dirty washing on your bedroom floor or even standing on your bed.  This is known as "Morning Woodcock".

Snipe

Snipe's are famously elusive, this gives rise to the phrase "going on a snipe hunt" which is when someone is given an impossible task to do.  The reason snipes are so hard to find is because they spend a lot of their time chasing wild geese.   



Snipes are masters of disguise.  Can you spot the hidden snipe in this picture? 

Black-Tailed Godwits

Before settling on his persona "The Demon", rock bassist and Kiss front man Gene Simmons initially toyed with the idea of adopting the persona "The Black-Tailed Godwit".

Bar-Tailed  Godwits

Before settling on the name "Cradle of Filth", the 90s black metal band performed several gigs under the name "The Bar-Tailed Godwits".

A Bar Tailed Godwit.  Its tail would make a pretty lame bar if you asked me.    

Whimbrel

This is the favourite bird of pop princess Rihanna.

Curlew

Struggling to fit your curlew through the tight gaps in between fence railings?  Try applying a little Vaseline to the primary and secondary feathers and it should slide right through.



A Curlew laughing at a duck with its beak stuck in the mud

Redshank

A redshank is just a redshank until it is seen, when it becomes a spotted Redshank.  This is not to be confused with a Spotted Redshank, which, when seen, becomes a spotted Spotted Redshank. 

A redshank thinking

Greenshank

In 1987 the record for the number of Greenshanks that could fit into a Mini was broken. The total number was five, two in the front seats and three in the back. As Greenshanks don't have laps it was difficult to find anywhere else to comfortably sit any others.

Green Sandpiper

Green Sandpipers are the most environmentally conscious of all the Sandpipers (hence its name).  They remain flightless as much as possible, only taking to the air when they really have to.  Even then, upon landing, they will always look to plant a few trees in order to offset the carbon footprint gained while flying.

Wood Sandpiper

Wood Sandpipers should only every be used on wood.  In order to smooth down the jagged ends of metal it is best to use a coarser wader.  If you want to sand down a pile of sticky, thick sludge then use a Goosander.

Common Sandpiper

Most local authorities will now recycle unwanted Sandpipers.  Once you have finished with it, just leave your used up Sandpipers in the black box outside your gate and it will be taken away and reused.  Alternatively take it to your nearest bottle bank and look for the bin labelled "mixed sandpipers".

Red-necked Phalarope

Red- necked Phalarope is an anagram of "Cheaper, dead plonker" and "naked peach deplorer", two phrases which freakishly describe the species with frightening accuracy.

R-NP in non breeding plumage.  Whilst in the breeding season they have the distinctive red throat, the rest of the year they look pixelated and blurry.